Dentists should really be titled Killers

I've gone to the same dentist for as long as I can remember and have never enjoyed the experience. Never having a cavity and never having to wear braces or a retainer, my pearly white smile has been the subject of many superficial compliments. Regardless, going to the dentist has always left me with a headache. I’m not sure if it’s the sound of the equipment, the taste and smell of the gritty paste they use, or my dentist’s judging eyes looking down at me but I always leave the office questioning whether I was punched in the face while blinking.

Thoughts of “I could be doing so many other more useful things with my Saturday” appeared as I sat in the waiting room of my dentist’s newly renovated office. My dentist is Dr. Choo-Campell. She’s good at what she does, apparently, and because of this she has become quite successful over the years. She now has an ever increasing number of employees, a continuously renovated office, and a perpetually flourishing pretentious attitude. Dr. Choo- Campell, nevertheless, has always been a fan of my teeth. After having a hissy-fit at one of her dental hygienists [seriously, it was almost Janice Dickinson worthy], she asked my sister a ridiculous amount of nosy questions involving business schools and why she is wanting to pursue the career in the field she wants to. She ended on a classy note saying, “My daughter would be jealous of you.” My poor sister. I would have bit the bitch. Or at least, I thought I would have. Though worse was to come and no cannibal acts were committed that afternoon. Maybe I'm all talk. Then again I'm not a dentist, I mean killer. Same thing, right? As the dentist pushed aside one of her many nameless employees, she insulted my hair and asked me if I wanted a haircut while she was at it. Lovely. She then put on her goggles and announced that my teeth are stained. Kindly, the dentist asked me "Do you brush your teeth?" while making a horrified expression. Great. "My going-to-the-dentist experience has officially become hell," I thought and then began to contemplating whether the woman’s weight loss had caused her to go insane. My teeth are almost unnaturally white. People ask me if I bleach them with those strips and stuff! I really don’t get how she could see any stains even with her fancy goggles. I insured her I brush my teeth multiple times a day. The dentist began to stab my gums and randomly scoffed, “I would ask you to floss as well as brush but there’s no point in asking the impossible of you.” I do floss! Thankfully, she got up and stormed out of the room as a timid older dental hygienist named Josie entered moments later. Josie complimented me on my white smile and was very kind but, unfortunately for me, very clumsy. She cut my lip, dropped the gritty paste in my eye, and some how managed to smear a bluish-green substance across my left cheek. This paste, as she warned me beforehand, was so incredibly sandy that both my sister and I could still taste it hours later after brushing and rinsing several times. I thought my experiences of going to the dentist would improve as the years went on. Although, I have diverged from my beliefs that the dentist was evil and going to remove my baby teeth with pliers, I am still gripping the arm rests…