before i started to change, i noticed when he would see me... he'd smile. and i hated it and it was like the most evil piercing smile. like it hurt me but i didn't like him at all by this point. i was disgusted by him in fact. yet it hurt. i think i figured out why tonight. the reason why i hated when he'd smile at me was because he wasn't smiling at me to say hello or as a sexual thing. he was smiling because i had become exactly like him. when he first met me i was like the sweetest kid, fuck i was almost an angel at that... and within less than 6 months i had become this glamour-driven drunk whore who was more sought after than the guy who had changed me.
my friend's reply: maybe, you never know.. that could've been exactly what he was thinking, but i almost feel like i dont want to give him that much credit, to actually see the irony int he situations, or to see the similarity between his creation and himself. cause technically you could just have misread his smile seeing as you really don't know his character that well.
she's right. she's so right. i never got to know him well enough before i let him into my life. and he's completely changed who i am. i may have returned to a place where substance matters over status and being beautiful is not the most significant daily worry.. but i'm not the same. i have the scars and the lessons i've learnt along the way. although i have evolved to a better place, his effect on who i am will remain as a part of my past. yet i barely knew him. i'll never really ever know. and that scares me.
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